Disclosing mental illness dating
A number of readers have said they’re embarrassed about being married a few times or being with a few jackasses.
If you talk like you’re ashamed, you’re setting yourself up to fail.
They can’t prove themselves to correct someone else’s eff up. Whether it’s figuring out what’s going on in a troubling relationship, understanding you and self-care, or being more assertive, I’m here to help you guide you.
You have to judge them on the merits of their own actions and the relationship. If you’re emotionally honest, authentic, and living congruently with your values so that words and actions match, they’ll ‘get you’ without you having to do the equivalent of doing the entire Dynasty boxset of your past and a Powerpoint presentation on your insecurities.
There’s nothing wrong with talking about your past or even your insecurities (to a point) because it’s part of what broadens the depth of knowledge about one another, but if you share for misguided reasons it will backfire. ” or “You can’t or at least you shouldn’t hurt me because look what at what happened to me!
Whatever you impart, you’re comfortable with it, you’re at peace with it (or are on the way to being so), and it’s part of your emotional honesty. Are you even being manipulative in that you hope that this new found knowledge will quietly coerce them into changing their position or even their behaviour/character? Often when people ‘share’ their past, hurt or insecurity, it’s like “Please don’t hurt me!Unless there was a really good reason for withholding the information, such as a history of family violence or one parent having stalked the other in the past, it's pretty much understood that both parents have a right to know where their children are staying and who stays there on a regular basis and that's totally reasonable. If something happened, an accident or worse, and the children weren't returned on time, how would she even know where to start looking if she doesn't know where they were expected to be???With that level of distrust and hostility I'd be getting court orders asap.You’ll also find that we’ve all got at least one ghost of shady relationship past in our closet – I’ve practically got a little cemetery going on!Instead of going into intricate detail about your exes (you shouldn’t be talking about them on the first 1-3 dates anyway as you have better things to talk about), the simple answer is “We wanted different things.” This is 100% true.